The explosion of my room after the race.
Not only was school causing stress but the weather has been rotten too. My intervals on Wednesday were spent entirely in the snow and all of this frustration both on and off the bike was beginning to pile up. And then there was Little 500. It is nearing the point where I am going to have to make a decision about my training for Little 500 and it is not an easy thing.
It is because of Little 500 that I started riding, it is because of Little 500 that I have self confidence, it is because of Little 500 that I met seven amazing women who have changed my life and strengthened my faith.
And yet here I am, dreading getting back on the track.
I have stopped enjoying it, stopped wanting to work for it, stopped pushing my teammates to work for it. And that's the thing, Little 500 deserves more than that. I may have all the fitness in the world and my team may have the ability to compete for a top place on the podium, but if I am not willing to let it consume me, then I should not be doing it.
Collegiate cycling has always been an amazing experience for me, and the opportunity to go to nationals (individually or with a team) is something that I do not want to just throw away. On top of this I know that if I train on the track too much I will burn out quickly and the speed and power will not be there on the road.
So, decision time.
All of this (school, riding and decisions) had me seeking out advice from Kym and Mark, both for validation in my choices and advice from people who had been there. A big concern was how I was going to continue to line up against girls who are so far out of my league in the collegiate races.
Kym had some very applicable advice, focusing on the fact that I am just jumping into this level. Now is the time to learn as much as possible, using this information to my benefit both when racing against them and later in the regular season when they are not there. In the end just because I know they will likely beat me doesn't mean that I should just roll over.
"You are probably going to win, but I'm going to make you chase me first."
In dealing with the Little 500 decision, well there is no easy answer but Mark put it pretty simply. If you aren't going to wake up in the morning and be completely dedicated to something, you shouldn't be doing it. Fortunately I have a wonderful team around me who will support me either way I go and I will continue to help coach and lead them, which makes the decision a little less stressful.
So I guess the question is, when I wake up in the morning, what gets me out of bed? Road racing or Little 500?
The Little 500 Track Wednesday night.
Also been working on my cooking: lemon/parmesan asparagus, baked potato, steak with sautéed peppers.