Adjective: Refractory

I heard the doctor, but what did he say?

I knew I was fine about this time yesterday.

I don’t need answers

I just need some peace

– Ben Rector, When a Heart Breaks

Have you ever considered the power of an adjective? You are not just an athlete; you are fast, slow, good and bad. Adjectives judge. The food at your local taco stand is spicy, the guy you are dating is wonderful, the puppy at the park is adorable.  Adjectives are watercolors over a pencil drawing.

I recently learned even more about the power of adjectives and their ability to bring questions and fear.  My freshman year of college (forever ago it seems) I was diagnosed with celiac disease, common knowledge to those of you reading this. Not ideal timing but I made it work and for me following a gluten free diet stopped the autoimmune reactions. In the process I gained a lot of strength I never realized was missing and managed to take training and racing up a notch. However, recently this trend reversed and I started to see significant red flags in my blood chemistry. Vitamin D levels reached a low of 4 then 2ng/mL several months ago and soon many other vitamin and mineral levels followed. Numerous tests, hypothesis and scans later revealed a new adjective.

Refractory. Meaning difficult to control or deal with. What it means to me is that, for some reason doctors cannot figure out, my celiac disease has decided not to be managed by a gluten free diet alone anymore, leading to a flare up. Refractory Celiac Disease. Now there is a scary adjective, one that hides in the closet at night and keeps you awake with shadows.

I’ll leave out the nitty gritty of the treatment plan, but it does include a cocktail of drugs that will pretty much murder my immune system in an attempt to reset the autoimmune reaction. Supposedly exercise may not be an option, and racing is out even before the whole USADA issue is factored in. Apparently I will have quite the Bruce Banner/Hulk dichotomy going on. The ability to leap buildings, fight monsters and pick up buses? Yeah, I’m hoping that comes out of this. HULK SMASH!

Long story short, I think I underestimated celiac disease. It is not a fad diet, a weight loss success story or a juice cleanse. It is an autoimmune disease that can and will damage your body with the same tools used to protect it. I won’t make the mistake of underestimating it again.